I'll always be behind you...

It's 2AM. I'm supposed to sleep but I can't. I wanna blog 'coz my pending posts are piling up like mad but I dunno where to start. I can't seem to find the right words to say on my crazy long lists of "To Blog".

But I know I wanna write. I just wanna write because I can. I don't even know what to say actually. I just wanna write something non sense. Something crazy. Harhar!

Anyway, I was prepping some photos for ze blog when I saw this...

It's from one of her #OOTB shoots. We went to BGC the other week for a foodie meetup and decided to do a little photoshoot for her #OOTBs.

I just can't believe how big she is now. She's running and running and running. That's one of the main reasons why we can't have a decent #OOTB shoot. That little patch of grass right outside our compound is not enough. She can't stand still. Which is crazy.

So when I saw this huge grassy spot, I knew I had to take her pictures here. And I'm right. I was able to get lots of decent pictures for a change. No blurred one thanks to the natural light and no crazy background thanks to the huge grassy space.

Hay! Whatever happened to my baby. Iniisip ko palang na mag aaral na sya, naiiyak na ako. I'm so afraid that one day, she would no longer want me. She'd prefer her friends over me. I know that one day I'll be the Lola Nidora of her life. Isang malaking MH.

I just hope I'm doing the right thing. I hope I'm doing an excellent job as a mother. I hope I'm raising her well.

Motherhood is crazy. I can't remember a time when I'm not worried. I worry all the freakin' time. I worry about her. Her food. Her health. Her welfare. I hate seeing calamities, accidents, sick children because they make me worry even more. I don't think I've prayed this hard ever. I am constantly asking for guidance from our Lord and Virgin Mary.

I worry about her future. I wish I could provide her with all the necessities. I hope I could make her happy and strong and independent. I hope she won't stop loving me. And I hope that we'd stay this close. I used to think that I'll be a cool mum. Coz I want my child to be bestfriends with me. But now I can't even imagine my reaction when my child would tell me she already had a crush. I don't know what I'll ever do if I ever hear her talk about her heartaches.

Ang hirap maging Nanay. Anak ng tokwa.

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