And that's today...
Yep. I just snapped and shouted at her very early in the morning today.
I'm having a migraine attack since last week. I have a deadline to meet at work and there are a lot of adjustments with the transitioning and all. And I'm so tired. Our weekend turned out busy too. On top of that, last week, my daughter decided that it's the best time to wake up at around 2 or 3ish in the morning to latch non stop. Yes. Latch. Non stop. My 23 month old daughter wants to latch, non stop, with teeth and all.
So today I snapped. She woke up and cried a bit asking for dede. I was initially okay with it. Trying to pacify her. Trying to make her sleep. But then the frustration and all got the better of me and I just snapped.
I shouted. At my daughter. And I regret it.
After that one loud "aaaaaaahhh!". My baby cried like she was hurt or something and my husband got her. Looked at me like I'm a monster. And then the regret slowly creeps in.
Why? Why did I shout at my daughter like that? She only wants dede for crying out loud. I am lucky for having a daughter who doesn't cry for no reason at all. She only wants dede. And I promise her she will dede as long as she wants. I promise myself that I will let my baby dede for as long as she wants after reading the benefits of extended breastfeeding. Me. A self-proclaimed breastfeeding advocate. Shouted at my daughter simply because she wants to dede.
Okay, in my defense, I have migraine. I am stressed out. I am tired. I am so so so tired. I have a thousand stuff in my head. My breasts are aching. And I am just human.
I'm sorry darling. I will write a letter for you later and I will tell you everything. Someday you will read it and you will realize that nanay doesn't mean it. I swear. I will try to be better. I will try to be a better mum.