Happy Mother's Day To Us!

Sunday, May 10, 2015
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HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

Today, to celebrate mother’s day, I will publish my very first official public letter to my daughter - the reason why I am celebrating now and why I am being celebrated. I know being a mum is difficult. But like the rest of the mum population, I believe that all of this is worth it. Coz honestly, our children bring so much joy and happiness to our lives. It’s a win-win situation.

So here it is, this letter is for you, my darling Skye.

 

Baby,

Yes. You are my baby and you will always be my baby. No matter how old you are, in my eyes, you will always be my baby darling. My baby love. I never thought that I’d be a mum. Seriously! I said I wanna be a mum before 30 but I never really took it seriously. For a time, I always thought that I’d never have a child of my own. I was always happy just being Mimi Ate to your Toto Boi. I thought, because I had him, I already know everything there is about being a mum. Pero hindi pala anak. Iba pala talaga pag merong isang buhay na sayo nanggaling. That feeling when you know you are creating life inside you.

9 months anak. 37weeks and 5days to be exact. You are inside me. I nourished you. I took care of you. I carried you all those times. Kahit masakit sa balakang. Kahit hindi ako makahinga everytime you’d kick. Kahit hindi na kaya ng mga paa at tuhod ko ang bigat mo, still I did it. While working full-time nonetheless. Kasi kailangan anak. Kailangan nating mabuhay. Nanay has to work even though everyday, I felt like quitting. Kasi pagod na pagod na ako. But hearing your heartbeat every pre-natal checkup. Feeling your kicks. And seeing your wonderful smile during that 4D ultrasound sesh made it all worth it. Kailangan kong magtrabaho kasi kailangan kitang buhayin.

I’ve been working all these years for my family. For my parents, my siblings. Myself was always last on my list of priorities. Sometimes, I wonder why I’m doing all of this. Sometimes, napapagod na ako. Madalas, gusto kong sabihin na ako naman. Ako naman sana.

And then there you are. The moment I saw those two pink lines, I felt that my entire world has changed. My priorities made a major 180 degrees turn. All of a sudden, everything is all about you. Yes honey, everything from then on, is all about you.

Anak, I am not perfect. And I will never be perfect. Up until this moment, I still don’t know if I’m doing this right. I pray that I am. But still I’m not sure. Pero tandaan mo, na lahat ng ito ginagawa ko for you. Sa ikakabuti mo. Sa tingin kong ikakabuti mo. One day, feel free to correct me if you think I’m doing things wrong. And I promise to listen to you anak. I promise to hear you out. Kahit magpanting ang tenga ko. I am such a know-it-all and is very outspoken, but I know how it feels not be heard. So I promise to always listen to you. I promise to TRY to understand you. Just promise me that you’d TRY to understand me too even if you feel like strangling me already.

My life as a first-born daughter is not easy. I won’t promise to make things life easy for you, ano ka sinuswerte? But I promise to make sure that when the time comes that I have to retire, I’ll have enough to get by. So I won’t have to bother you. So you could live your life. Because I am raising you to enjoy life and be the woman you want to be. Without fear of responsibilities. Kung gugustuhin mong maging artist, sige lang! Basta kaya mong bumili ng sarili mong pintura at kaya mong pakainin ang sarili mo. Go! If you want to volunteer and go to the rural areas and feed goats, sige lang anak. Hindi mo ako kailangan intindihin. Mabubuhay ako. At mabubuhay akong masaya dahil alam kong ginagawa mo ang nagpapasaya sayo.

Right now, you are my only baby. I pray that you’d be my ONLY one. I am not sure if I can still manage to have another one. I don’t know if you’d like a sibling. But whatever. If one day, God will bless me another baby to care for, I promise to love you equally. Pantay anak. Pantay na pagmamahal. Pero intindihin mo din sana, that you guys are two different people. Kaya kailangan mahalin ko kayo sa magkaibang paraan. But I promise, to always make you feel that you are loved. And if one day, maisip mo na hindi kita mahal kasi hindi kita pinapayagan manood ng Baby TV, I hope you’d get the chance to read this. Anak, sabi sa Smart Parenting nakaka-delay ng brain and speech development ang too much telly. You need human interaction daw. And if I don’t force everyone here at home to ban the telly altogether, wala na. Telly ka nalang forever. They don’t know the concept of BALANCE anak. Believe me!

Sorry darling if Nanay has to leave you every day. Because I need to work. Because I need to feed you. Because I want to be able to buy you clothes and shoes. Alam mo anak, I am sooo happy that I am able to provide all of this to you. All this stuff and the comfort I was able to provide because I have the money to spend.

But sometimes, I wonder if I’m providing too much. Kasi anak, I am who I am today because of all the hardships I endured when I was young. Naranasan kong mag-ulam ng bukayo. Naranasan ko ang i-pull out sa class during exams dahil hindi pa nagbabayad ng tuition si Mila. Naranasan kong magsuot ng basang uniform kasi isa lang ang uniform ko tapos umulan magdamag kaya hindi natuyo kinabukasan. Those things shaped me into who I am today. I appreciate my life now because I once had nothing. O diba?! Hindi tayo mayaman ngayon anak, pero Oh My Geee! Alam ko ang definition ng MAHIRAP! As in walang wala.

Ayokong maranasan mo yun. Pero ayoko din na i-take forgranted mo ang mga bagay na meron ka. Kasi anak, hindi lang luha ang puhunan ko dyan. Dugo, pawis, luha at uhog. Lahat yan nagsama-sama kaya meron kang pang #OOTB ngayon.

Noon, I was always praying for a son. Less maintenance. Less drama. And they say mas malambing ang anak na lalaki sa ina. But God know me so well. He gave me you. You are the perfect gift. And now that I have you, I realized, yeah! I need a daughter. I need someone I can call my best friend. I need a shopping buddy. My fashion consultant. I am such a girl. And I would love to do all girly stuff with you.

I love you anak. I know that social media has been posting all this cheesy stuff about being a mum and how difficult it is. But honey, you are worth it. You are worth all the sleepless nights. You are worth this CS operation scar and post-effects. Oo! Minsan sumasakit padin ang tahi ko. And they say it’s forever. So yeah! Pag matigas na ang ulo mo, asahan mo ng marinig ang “Hanggang ngayon sumasakit padin tong tahi ko! Tong tahi na to na pinagdaanan ko mailuwal ka lang sa mundong to. Kung alam ko lang na ganyan katigas ulo mo, sana pinigil nalang kita noon.”. Which of course is ridiculous because hello?! Ang sakit ng labor anak. Promise. So in reality, you did me a favor when they gave me that anesthesia for the operation. Hahahaha! But please hayaan mo akong gamitin yung line na yun at wag mong basagin ang trip ko ha.

I love you again. I will always love you. And I will always be here for you. No matter what.

Love,

Nanay

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