Merry Christmas To Me…

When my heart’s too full and there are things that I can no longer bear, this blog has always been my outlet. I try to steer clear of personal blogs because I think that the world was already cluttered with too much sadness and pain. I want to be a part of a happy journey. Just like everyone else, I just want to be happy!
We got a little less than 11 hours before Christmas. And I am here, alone in my room asking what’s merry on this Christmas? I’m sorry dear readers but I really can’t bear it anymore. A little sad entry is coming your way…
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Santa, have I been naughty? Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. Despite the makabutas-wallet na gastos, the horrible traffic and the stress that this season bring – it will always be my favorite season.
I’ve spent the past 4 Christmas thinking not only of being with my family but also a family I have come to love. And now I won’t be able to spend it with them. Maybe never.
Sometimes, you love someone so much that you forgot to actually love them. Silly? I know! But that is exactly how it feels right now. I am so so hurt but I couldn’t find it in my heart to get angry. Maybe because I love too much? Maybe because deep inside I am happy? Happy that the one that I love has finally found happiness? Even if its not with me? Or maybe because I am wishing that “the one” that I love has really found the happiness I can’t provide. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone happy. And then you’d realize that its not what you are doing, that it is because it was you. The happiness is not you, the happiness is not with you. And because you love dearly, you just have to be happy without that person. Because that person can’t be happy with you. Setting the heart free is sometimes the best gift but the most painful one.
Crazy! I didn’t know what I have done to deserve this kind of Christmas this year. Santa? Am I a bad girl?
I wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Remember that this season is all about loving. Give love and spread happiness. One day, you’ll find the reason why you are hurting now and you’ll realize that the reason is worth it.

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