BROKEN

Sunday, April 04, 2010
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Have you ever felt tired of falling in love?

I always say I’m the type of person who loves to fall in love. I am in love with love. With the idea of having that “special someone”. Someone you could truly call yours. Someone who’s willing to be yours. Someone real. Someone. Someone. Someone.

My life has always been filled with love.

Or so I thought.

A friend once told me, I am like a Switch – that networking device you connect to a router that will enable you to use multiple computers at the same time. Multitasking. Unpredictable. Me. Perfectly me.

I don’t wanna say it’s my fault. Not anymore. Not any longer.

Is it a sin to fall in love nowadays?

I hope not.

Coz I’d definitely go to hell if it is.

Now, I am in love again. With someone so special. With someone I consider a Star. That million miles away blazing fire. That sparkly thingy that we always look up to. That we dream of getting. Of holding.

But like all stars. I guess it is better to look at them from afar. Far enough to see their beauty. Coz if you try to get a little closer, a little closer than necessary, you’d get burnt. They say that a star is hotter than the sun, than a blazing metal. Than anything you can ever think of. And right now, I think I am getting burnt at the stake.

I love her. God knows I do. Even if I know I don’t have the right to.

Maybe that’s another mistake I kept on committing. I always take the risk. In my fear of not “trying’, I end up trying too hard. I end up hurting too much.

She’s not mine. I know that. But what hurts most is the fact that she kept on telling me that. Right into my face. With words that hurt me more than I thought it could.

I just got out of a relationship from hell. I was able to get escape the devil. But I guess my tragic love story does not end there.

All I ever wanted is to ‘belong’ to someone. Who’s willing to take me. Who’s willing to love me. Who’s willing to be a part of who I am. But not only a part of me, I want someone who want the whole me.

Am I difficult to love?

I don’t wanna end up hating myself again...

Not anymore...

Not any longer...

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