TEARDROPS ON YOUR GUITAR

Wednesday, August 26, 2009
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It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. The timing and consequences of our meeting are all but right. I am in despair when you came along. I’m at the point of my life when I am beginning to question my ability to love and be loved in return.

I know I am not perfect. But you told me at once that I am your dream eventhough that time you’ve only seen me on photos. Anyway, you came and I am swept away. By your words, by your actions. By your endless efforts to make me fall for you. You loved me and promise to never make me cry again. And even though I cried buckets since I met you, every tear is all worth it.

I learned a lot from you. I learned to be patient. To be silent and considerate. I learned to cook and to take care of everything inside the house. You domesticate me. J

I love the way you’d look at me like I’m the most beautiful human being who ever set foot on this planet. I love the way you’d get mad at me and then smile once I kissed you. I loved the way you’d wake me up by your kisses and let me fall asleep in your arms. I love it when you’d tease me and I loved it more when you’d become irritated when I tease you back. I love your smell. I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love how I fit into your arms like we’re molded to be together.

But what happened?

We’ve been through a lot. Major misunderstandings. The You and Me against the world drama. Our insecurities. Jealousy. Trusts. Things that a couple usually go through. Minor and major stuffs. All of those. But the most difficult of all, is the endless question of “how much do you love
me?”

How many times do I have to let you know that I love you? What else can I do to make you feel I love you? I am only human and human beings get hurt sometimes. I do not have the patience of a saint. I broke down sometimes. I can accept you for who you are but I cannot be blinded by your wrong doings. I cannot stay silent and watch you ruin your life.

I know you love me. Maybe you love me more than I can fathom. And I appreciate your love and I thank you for that love. I love you too. Maybe even more than you think I do. And I am glad of this relationship. And glad that you are with me.

But is letting you go the best thing that I can do to help you? How can I reach out to the one I love when he would not let me hold him? I wanna be with you till the end, but how can I?

I wanna set you free. To set myself free from all this pain. But setting you free would bring so much pain in me as well. I don’t wanna get hurt anymore. I am tired of getting hurt. I don’t wanna repeat the same pattern again. I don’t wanna look for someone whom I can be with anymore. I’m tired. Dead tired. I’ve been through a lot of pain already. For the past years, what happened to me has been nothing but pain and trials and more pain. I don’t wanna get hurt anymore. But above all, I don’t wanna let you go. I don’t believe in second chances anymore. I know that if I let you go now, I’d let go of the opportunity to be with you as well. How can I live on tomorrow? If I know I would be full of regrets and what if’s. I wanna try this out. I wanna work this out. I wanna love you. Not only because I need you but because I decided to love you and I am committed to love you.

 

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